When I found out I was pregnant, I was stunned! I remember feeling my head swell as I stared at the test result. For some reason I felt rooted to the floor, I sat on the toilet seat unable to move. After what seemed like an eternity, I called out to my partner but when he responded I couldn’t mouth the words.
“Yea, what is it?”
“You are pregnant?”
I could only manage a nod before I started to cry.
My lover later admits that he instantly knew what the result was because of the look of horror on my face.
He grabbed me and tried to console me, reassuring me that everything would be okay but I was inconsolable. I wouldn’t stop crying. I had just drawn up my plans for the year. My friends and I had just synchronized our travel plan/itinerary. The year had just began, I was supposed to spend it traveling.
“I CAN NOT BE PREGNANT”
It felt like a nightmare.
In the days that followed the “discovery” I would randomly burst into tears. I was devastated and heartbroken, I was pregnant; my life was over.
After crying myself to exhaustion, I’d lay in bed trying to think. I say “trying to think” because each time I tried, my head would start spinning as I was unable to hold on to any particular thought.
I had been fortunate to find out super early so we agreed to give it a couple days thought.
“No need to panic, let’s think about it a couple days first” said my lover.
A couple days later, we decided that then was a good as any time to start a family.
And so the story begins….
I tried to keep a weekly journal throughout my pregnancy but I wasn’t very consistent in the beginning.
Between having to deal with the shock of the fact that I was actually having a baby and the horrible morning sickness I had to suffer through in the first trimester, journaling wasn’t entirely the easiest thing to do.
I only managed a couple entries in the first trimester. Let me share it with you.
Week 6: I feel like I died. No really, am I dead? I threw up 3 times this week. Everything smells awful and standing up to pee is suddenly the most draining task in the world.
Week 7: I started off this week with bitter kola. My mum suggested that it might help me with the constant nausea and vomiting. Seems to be working (this is day one so it might still be too soon to tell) I’m still exhausted AF and the cramps still persist but atleast I no longer feel like throwing up every second.
Week 12: Took my first pregnancy photo this week. I’m still really sick all the time. But I have managed to start taking evening walks.
How I Remember My First Trimester
Even though everyone agrees I had a relatively smooth pregnancy, the first trimester was a horrible experience. I was admitted to the hospital on two occasions. The second time because I was suffering extreme dehydration. At that point I was vomiting 98% of everything that went into my mouth….including water.
My body refused to hold anything down except a couple crackers every now and then. So as you can imagine, I was constantly exhausted and dehydrated. My lover used to have to lift me to the bathroom when I had to pee as I was usually to tired to walk on my own.
I couldn’t understand why my body was punishing me so badly for trying to procreate. My mind might had been starting to come aboard the “pregnancy-ship” at the time but my body was clearly not having it.
Around week 9 of the pregnancy, I developed stomach ulcers. According to the doctor, the fact that I wasn’t eating plus the constant retching had triggered a stomach ulcer. This caused me severe stomachache, especially when I was hungry which at the moment happened to be every time seeing as I couldn’t eat. I went through atleast 6 bottles of antacid in the remainder of my first trimester.
After about a week, I slowly started to introduce yogurt and pap into my diet. The yogurt had been the doctors idea. He had suggested that I try yogurt to help with the ulcer. It worked.
The pap had been because I had sworn off regular solid foods at the time. You see because I knew I was most likely going to throw up atleast 90% of everything I ate, I tried to eat only foods that were easy to throw up.
At that point I had lost count of the number of times pepper had gone to my head or my nose while I was throwing up something like rice or soup. It hurt like hell. It was an avoidable torture and I was determined to avoid it.
Then cue the migraines. When I first started having them I didn’t think much of it. In the past when I go a couple days without wearing my glasses I get severe headaches. So at first I assumed it was the case, it wasn’t. Being pregnant somehow caused me to have these head splitting headaches and the worst part? I couldn’t take medication because none of the regular migraine medicines that had worked for me in the past were “fetus safe”
Did I tell you about the spitting? Whew! I literally had to walk around with a spit bottle. For whatever reason the glands in charge of secreting saliva decided that I needed more than the usual amount. Heck I had far more than a months supply coming out my mouth in a day. Needless to say, that made an already gross situation far more grosser than it needed to be.
But thankfully as we came to the end of my first trimester, I could feel my symptoms disappear. I’d wake up stronger each day, the urge to hurl my insides out started to dissipate. I still couldn’t hold down as much food as before and my insides felt tender and squishy all the time but I could definitely feel myself improving. That was a great relief to me because I had imagined that I would be one of those women who suffered nine long months of morning sickness.
By the end of my first trimester, I had gone from weighting 63kg(which had been my pre pregnancy weight) to weighing 59kg.
But then, the glorious and much anticipated second trimester was on the horizon and I was finally starting to get curious about the life growing inside me…..