Home Marriage Banter Things no one tells you about getting married || Dealing with emotions

Things no one tells you about getting married || Dealing with emotions

by Ifunanya
Things no one tells you about getting married

There are quite a number of things no one tells you about getting married and you probably wouldn’t have guessed either.

No one tells you about the emotional and mental shock/changes that comes with being married. We watch movies and see photos of newly weds and it always seem so glamorous and perfect.
But regardless of how perfect photos may appear and how glamorous movies make it seem, it can sometimes be an overwhelming experience.

One of the many things that you don’t see in pictures is the rollercoaster of emotions that will envelope you as a newly wed. I think said emotions are normal and I  believe that being aware of them helps you prepare for what is to come.

So let me share a bit of the emotional train ride I had to navigate the day I got married.

Things no one tells you about getting married.

I think I’m one of the lucky ones when it comes to the “culture shock” that usually comes with being married.

How?

Well, I got married to someone I have known for almost a decade. I also got a chance to get to know his family well before we got hitched so in some ways the assimilation process happened very gradually for me.
But sadly, not everyone gets a chance at gradual assimilation.

 

Sometimes I tend to be slow on the uptake so it often takes me a minute to come to terms with certain realities. In some ways, being married was one of that.
I never had a “do you know what this really means” moment in the times leading up to the event.

I was too busy planning the wedding and like I said, I have known him almost all my adult life, we’ve known we were gonna be married for a while now, it was just a matter of when.

But then on the day of our wedding, as my father handed me the cup of Palm wine and asked me to show everyone my husband, I took the cup from him, took a couple of steps and froze.
In my head, a voice “you realize what’s happening now right?”

Things no one tells you about getting married.

It was a weird mix of joy and terror. I was marrying the love of my life and best friend but boy was I terrified.
Did I even really want to become anybody’s wife? Was I really ready to put up with his snoring for the rest of my life? His calm and overly tolerant approach to everything? His avid lateness and complete disregard for time?
Had I really thought about that part?

Taking a deep breath, I looked up and saw my older sister, she signaled me to where he was hiding, I spotted him and a calm washed over me. I realized that I couldn’t imagine being married to anyone else in the entire universe.

Except maybe Jason Momoa (Jason if you are reading this, I just want you to know this is all a ruse, I’m still waiting for you❤️)

So I started towards him, the lump in my throat gradually fading away. I started to smile as I walked. I was feeling more confident with every step.

Besides, I spent my entire teen & adult life watching crimes and investigation shows. I know how to properly dispose a body if need be.

I walked over to him, gave him the drink and the deed was done.

Things no one tells you about getting married.

Joy and happiness filled my heart, I was happy. The happiness carried me through the remainder of the day.

Until it was time to leave my home….

I have very found fond memories of our little settlement in the village. My grandpa and his brothers had had the foresight to settle in one giant piece of land so we had our own little community in the village. Going back home every year had always been the highlight of my year as a child and teenager. I loved everything about being home.
To put it quite simply, I’m a proper village girl and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Once more panic started to steal in to the pack back of my mind. As I threw clothes into a box and prepared to go to my husband’s house. I felt the dreaded lump return and my throat start to close up once more.

I heard my uncle’s voice in my head. He had teased me earlier saying that my name would now be transferred to Umunnachi and I no longer belonged here.

I told myself that it was a joke.

Things no one tells you about getting married.

I reminded myself that all our lives were changing. That all my cousins were grown, getting married and moving on with their lives. That there wouldn’t be much to miss anyway.

Throwing in the remainder of my things, I zipped my box and headed downstairs and into the car.
We had stayed till late and now everyone was in a bit of a rush. The rush helped still the rising lump in my throat momentarily. Gathering people, making sure everyone was accounted for and inside a vehicle took over.

But after that was done, I sat in the car and the journey began. With every minute that took me further away from the house, I felt the lump in my throat getting bigger till I was suddenly nauseous and in need of air.

I closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing while also trying to ignore the million and one thoughts that ravaged through my mind.

Thankfully, it was a short ride and in no time we had arrived my husband’s family home.

My new home.

There was a little welcome party, smiling, waving and small talk.
I carried through all of it as much as I could, as well as I could.

Then finally, I sat down.

I sat down and in that moment all the panic and all the anxiety from before came charging through me.

Looking around at this strange place with no memories and no familiar spots and comforts, I longed for my home. Where I knew every inch of the compound by heart. Every corner had a special memory attached to it. Where I always felt comforted and connected by the earth under my feet. By the sites of all my people who had come before me in trees and in the things they had built and left behind. I blinked a couple of times to hide the tears that were starting to gather in my eyes. I wanted my mummy so bad. Grabbing the arm rest with my eyes closed was all I could do to still myself. To stop from bolting out of the door.

In that moment it finally hit me; my life had changed and even though it was the kind of change I had wanted, I hadn’t really thought about all of it before now.

Taking deep breaths I reminded myself that I was no stranger to the family.
I had known my husband almost a decade now and had watched him grow from a young, brown eyed bushy-tailed youth to a responsible, level-headed man over the years.

Closing my eyes, I tried to vanquished the fear and uncertainty that threatened to overcome me.

I didn’t know what the future held, a part of me was excited and a part of me was terrified.

 

In the end I let the excitement take over. I had married my best friend. Even though I didn’t know what tomorrow held, in this moment I was happy.

I opened my eyes

Deciding once more to stand my ground against fear and uncertainty and to enjoy the joys that each moment brings.

RELATED: FROM THE CORNER OF HIS EYES

Things no one tells you about getting married.

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19 comments

Izu July 7, 2019 - 10:56 am

Lol,our very own Ummuada. We done open office Branch for Ummunachi🤣

Reply
Ijeoma July 7, 2019 - 12:33 pm

I was smiling reading through this and i felt like i was there experiencing it with you. You painted a vivid picture of your experience. Thank you for sharing.

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Ifunanya July 7, 2019 - 2:12 pm

Thank you for reading and I’m so glad you enjoyed it.

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Dozie B. Dibiaezue esq. July 7, 2019 - 3:10 pm

A Chimamanda in the making! O truly enjoyed the narrative. Very engaging!

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Ifunanya July 7, 2019 - 5:32 pm

💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽
Thank you Uncle❤️

Reply
Precy July 7, 2019 - 5:11 pm

I’m beginning to have mixed feelings about getting married. This is really a nice piece. Keep doing what you love.

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Ifunanya July 7, 2019 - 5:30 pm

Please don’t have missed feelings o. It’s a wonderful experience in all 😊

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Precy July 7, 2019 - 5:13 pm

Reading this, I felt I was just right there.
This is really a nice piece. Keep doing what you love.

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Ifunanya July 7, 2019 - 5:31 pm

Thank you so much. I’m really glad you enjoyed it.

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ObiTwice July 7, 2019 - 6:19 pm

I remember the way my sisters cried the day they were being married off, now I know why. On my own part, I thought all I ever wanted for them to do was to get married. On that very day I realized that they were actually leaving us for good and that all the memories we shared and the joy there presence brings will be transferred to someone else, I went inside after the farewell and cried when it was clear to me that there room was now empty.
Amidst those sweet farewell songs from family, there is this big hole the marriage of their daughter is creating in them, that is; knowing that things won’t be the same again without her around.
Your story has brought those memories back and I find myself wishing I could wind back the hands of time. Thank you

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Ifunanya July 7, 2019 - 6:23 pm

I completely understand how your sisters felt and also how you feel. I’m glad you enjoyed my story and I hope you get a chance to create new memories with your family….xx

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Amalachukwu Okeke July 7, 2019 - 9:28 pm

Honestly, you never know exactly how it would feel until you get to that point. My sis was waving goodbye to us, I couldn’t get myself to understand what was happening, like she was leaving us? I was quite emotional that day, not that I didnt know she was getting married, but.. that moment is always different…Nice piece

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Debs July 8, 2019 - 8:38 am

Awww, this is such an emotional piece. No one is ever prepared for that overwhelming emotion. We only get the feel of getting married and the wedding into our head that we care less about the fact that we are actually going away, until the reality sets in.

You look so beautiful, Ifunanya.

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Ifunanya July 8, 2019 - 10:58 am

Right!!! Exactly.

Thank you Debs, I’m glad you liked it.

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Sophie Atieno July 11, 2019 - 4:44 pm

This is such a great read especially for people like me who aren’t married yet . Thanks for sharing this.
http://sophieatieno.com

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Ifunanya July 11, 2019 - 8:38 pm

I’m really glad you liked it Sophie….xxx

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Desire Uba July 11, 2019 - 11:03 pm

Wow!!
I’m actually searching for words.
I postponed reading this because I knew that it’d be an emotional rollercoaster, and I was right.
As much as I totally look forward to getting married, I’m scared of the finality of it all. I love my family too much 😭😭
However, I’m happy you found peace and I know you’d be happy.
Congratulations once more, Ifunanya!

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Ifunanya July 12, 2019 - 7:10 am

Thank you for the beautiful comment. I’m really happy you enjoyed reading it….xx

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Amaka July 14, 2019 - 6:12 am

This was amazing, I’ve never actually seen a blog post detailing the emotional aspect of getting married. All you just see usually are fine photos where everyone is smiling, so it’s great you decided to share. It makes for awesome content. Well done on this, I really enjoyed the read and felt emotional like you did too. I hope your transition this next year is the smoothest it could ever be.

http://www.mindofamaka.com

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