Home Marriage Banter Living together before marriage: Pros and Cons || Let’s Discuss!

Living together before marriage: Pros and Cons || Let’s Discuss!

by Ifunanya
Living together before marriage

Couples seem to be living together before marriage now more than ever. It has become a global phenomenon and shows no signs of slowing down. There are those who still vehemently oppose the idea of living together before marriage often citing religious and moral reasons.

Research has shown that nearly half of all couples decide to live together before tying the knot. Of those living together, 40 percent will go on to marry within three years. But out of the 40 percent who do marry, 27 percent will have divorced within five years of tying the knot.

So what does this all mean? Is living together before marriage really a good idea? Are there benefits to it? Or is it a horrible idea? 

In this post, we will be discussing the pros and cons of living together before marriage.

Photo by Everton Vila

First the pros.

Test run for marriage:

Living together before marriage can seem like a bit of a test run for marriage. You get a chance to know your partner in more intimate ways; their habits and behaviors become impossible to hide when you live with them. This gives you a chance to evaluate compatibility and as such you get a sense of what being married to the person is going to feel like.

Shared liability:

Living together helps saves costs. When you live together you get to share the cost of running the household. From rent to utility bills and even groceries. Running one household instead of two leaves room for spare cash.

Bonding is better:

Living together changes the dynamics of the relationship. Because you get to spend more time with your partner, there is an increased bonding opportunities compared to people who are in a relationship but live separately. 

Learning to share responsibilities and chores:

Married or not, when couples live together they have to run the home together and it often includes sharing chores and responsibilities in the home. Living together before marriage gives you a chance to learn how to share responsibilities with each other, manage chores and everything else that will be needed to keep the home functioning. This often helps in a smoother transition into marriage life if you’ve eventually tie the knot. 

Living together before marriage Photo by Becca Tapert

Now the cons.

Lack of appeal:

Leaving together before marriage sometimes dulls the appeal of being married. It might become increasingly difficult to convince a person who already gets all the perks of having a spouse by cohabitating that getting married is a wise move to make. And that’s understandable. 

No guarantees:

Living together before marriage does not guarantee that marriage will actually happen. Only about half the people who decide to live together before marriage end up typing the knot.

Trauma of separation:

People who are living together before marriage are still prone to breaks up. But unlike other relationships, separation can be as traumatic as a divorce.

Dull passions:

Getting used to your romantic partner can dull the fires of passion in the relationship which can ultimately lead to a separation. It takes effort to keep the spark alive which is easier to do when couples lead separate lives.

No room for escape:

Living together can make it difficult to find a proper escape when tension arises or there’s a heated argument. There’s no room for escape when you live together, you no longer have the option of “going home” to avoid an uncomfortable situation.

You miss out on the newlywed feelings:

Living together before marriage can mean that you don’t get to experience the newlywed feeling because you’ve already been shacking up. 

Living together before marriage Photo by Toa Heftiba

In conclusion, there are no guarantees that living together before marriage ensures a successful relationship, but the same can also be said for people who decide not to live together. Although we know that not everyone who moves in with their partner does so because they want to get married. In fact, studies show that some cohabitation partners have no desire to get married at all. But if you are considering living with your partner before tying the knot, it’s best to consider the pros and cons.

 

What are your thoughts on living together before marriage? Are you for or against it? Share your thoughts in the comments below!!

 

Love & Light…xxx

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17 comments

Vanessa June 16, 2019 - 12:05 pm

I am against it. I love my space and can’t afford sharing it with someone I have not been officially married to, it’s going to choke me!

Reply
Ifunanya June 16, 2019 - 1:00 pm

I can totally relate to wanting personal space and feeling choked when I don’t get it.
Very frustrating 😩

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Oby June 16, 2019 - 12:14 pm

Its a no no for me. I don’t see the need for the rush. I mean u will be spending the rest of your life together, and about knowing each other, leaving together doesn’t guarantee that, a lot of people pretend, and can hold the pretence for the longest time.

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Ifunanya June 16, 2019 - 1:01 pm

“You’ll be spending the rest of your life together”
So true!!!

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Buchi June 16, 2019 - 12:19 pm

There is this new feeling when you marry someone you have never known or lived with, you are scared of misbehaving and that fear leads you till the end. But when u have lived with someone, had s*x, had romance, there would be nothing new to explore about your spouse. I truly believe staying apart is the best.

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Kennedy chigozie Dibiaezue June 16, 2019 - 12:53 pm

Honestly i think it depends on the individual but in my opinion i think it’s ok to get both experience and what i mean by that is that partners are can visit each other for a while and then go back to their places this in turn helps them to understand each other better and know some of their behaviors and if they are compatible with each other but also it saves them the opportunity to have that newly wed feeling if and when they finally get married

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Chukwuebuka Anunihu June 16, 2019 - 1:03 pm

This is one of the issues about which I’m neutral/liberal. Although it doesn’t guarantee anything, I think if a couple want to live together, they should just because they want to.

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Onyekachi June 16, 2019 - 2:03 pm

In my own view, it’s better to stay apart till after marriage. But there’s still need that the couples spend quality time together to learn to cope with one another.
On moral grounds as well, if you guys cohabit before tying the knot, I wonder how God will be for such a relationship. You guys probably will be fighting your battles without HIS input.

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Ifunanya June 17, 2019 - 4:38 am

Yeah. I don’t believe it’s something truly religious people would even consider.

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Desire Uba June 16, 2019 - 7:02 pm

I’ve thought about this a lot and this is my opinion.
If both partners live with parents or in separate places that nobody is chasing them from (literally or figuratively), everybody stay in their habitat.
However, I can understand the cutting costs part, and for me, that may be the only reason why I can move in with a partner prior to marriage and we still need separate rooms. It would be very tough, especially with my No S.U.M. belief.
If we could run away before from arguments,sex, among others, while living separately, living together makes it a billion times harder.
We still have all the time in the world to figure out everything else, there is no rush.

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Ifunanya June 17, 2019 - 4:36 am

As someone who believes even married couples need separate bedrooms, I totally relate to this.
At the end there’s really no rush.

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Debs June 17, 2019 - 10:19 am

I am totally against it. See finish will definitely enter and for someone like me who get bored easily, it may make me see that there’s no point getting married to the person again.

I totally understand some of the reasons for, but it’s totally not wise. And if they are partners that indulge in pre marital sex, it can make them rush into marriage they aren’t ready for.

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Ifunanya June 17, 2019 - 10:58 am

See finish 😩😂😂

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Ijeoma June 17, 2019 - 10:19 am

I can only speak for myself when i say living with your partner for a while before marriage isn’t a bad idea but different rooms. At least it helped me to find out the hard Truth that i can’t live with a particular ex of mine that i would have sworn i could live with.

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Ifunanya June 17, 2019 - 10:58 am

That’s one part of the whole thing that is quite scary. You swear you know a person but it becomes a different story when you have to live with them.

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Victor June 24, 2019 - 3:37 pm

One really can’t simulate marriage by living together. The two parties knows at the back of their heads that they aren’t married. So living together does not mean the marriage will work out when it happens.

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Amaka July 1, 2019 - 9:22 pm

I definitely want to live by myself before getting married, so the thought of cohabiting before marriage is a no from me. See finish when you have the rest of your lives to see each other finish? Plis dears

Reply

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