When i was 19 years old, i fell in love with a kind eyed fellow. I was in my first year at university and like most girls my age i was struggling with finding myself.
He was studying electrical engineering like me but was already in his second year, for some reason i never noticed him despite his 6 foot 5 inches frame.
One day I was moving through the large hall we shared with the second year students when a horribly mannered boy standing on the desk hit me straight in the temple, I cried out in pain while reaching for my aching temple, he looked at me and looked away.
I was stunned, no apology, not a simple “Sorry” I continued on my journey while nursing my throbbing temple.
“Boys in university must be so horribly mannered” I concluded to myself as I walked away. I was sure I’d made a mortal enemy for life, there was clearly no forgiving such behavior in my books.
I remember browsing through a newly created Facebook group for engineering students, I came across a person who seemed like they had similar hobbies like me…
“Hmmm that’s interesting”
What more, this person listed “From the corner of his eyes” by Dean Koontz as one of their favorite books. You probably wont understand how big a deal this was to me at the time. I have always been peculiar in one way or another, liked all the different things -books, music, movies, arts, fashion. I always tended to go off in a different direction with my preferences.
To find someone with similar interests as me at the time, and of the opposite sex was a lot more exciting than you would imagine. There was one little problem, there was no photo on the profile so I couldn’t tell who it was. After much consideration- it was probably very little consideration- I messaged the stranger, we got talking and agreed to meet up.
The day came and I went to the agreed location, sat at a corner and awaited the mystery person whom in my head was to be my new best friend. I had our life all planned out already, we were to spend the rest of our days reading books and exchanging notes.
I was yanked out of my daydream when I saw my sworn enemy walk in through the door
Yuck, what is he doing here?
Unless…No, this is not happening!!
But It really was happening and I wasn’t dreaming. I was distraught, all my hopes and dreams dashed before my eyes.
As you could imagine, that day didn’t really go as planned.
I went back to my house with a broken heart and broken dreams, but I was young and new in university, guys were in no short supply so i soon forgot all about it.
Or so i thought
I slowly started to notice him everywhere and each time I did a thought crept into my head, i tried to ignore it but it would always find its way back
“maybe he isn’t so bad after all”
Had i imagined the temple hitting incident? Or perhaps exaggerated it? Maybe it was an isolated event.
I took to the internet once more and started to, uhm well i wont say stalk but i had to get to know him with as little contact as possible.
I don’t remember who initiated our next encounter but it was the game changer, I cant say if it was the intelligence in his statements or the gentle yet firm way he spoke, maybe it was the kindness in his eyes but for whatever reason I was starting to fall in love with my mortal enemy who happened to have a girlfriend
What a mess.
In a very short while I had gone from not noticing to loathing Obi- that was his name, now I was at the point were I couldn’t wait to go to school so I could see him.
Like most young girls do, I daydreamed endlessly on how my life would unfold with him at center stage. As it turned out he shared similar feelings and like a magical Disney animation, everything started to fall into place perfectly.
In no short time we were making out under the rain and singing along to Viva la viva by Coldplay– my favorite song at the time. We had become inseparable. He loved me, he spoilt me, he catered to my every needs in and outside the bedroom and did his best to be available for my insatiable hunger for his presence. It was beautiful. It was perfect, he was perfect.
I was gravely insecure at the time and would always complain about my c-cup sized boobs on my thin frame, I’d complain about my weird aura or my unpopular beliefs about life religion and culture. There was always something to make me stand out and I hated it.
He would always say “You will always stand out because you are perfect dont run from it, embrace it”
Those were just words, but those words made me feel warm on the inside and never failed to bring a smile to my lips whenever i recalled them.
It was perfect, “too prefect” I thought.
I had had several encounters with guys in the past and nothing could compare to this, no one could compare to him. Why is he so perfect?
I couldn’t understand it, I had never known love and care like this before so I did what every young insecure girl would do, I self sabotaged.
I would make problems out of everything and accuse him for the slightest reasons. I became convinced that it was all a game and he was only going to play me. That was the only conclusion my broken mind could draw.
The delicate thread of love and care that held us together was slowly starting to unravel and the more I pushed the more it unraveled. The more it unraveled the more I was convinced that it was all a game to him, it was an exhausting circle.
Soon everything went cold, all our rain dance and our book reviews, all our midnight conversations about science and life and love, all the things that bound us together soon started to feel like another life time. Like something I’d dreamed up in an afternoon nap. I pulled myself further down this foxhole of fear and dread and uncertainty.
I ultimately had to learn that often times the ride is more important than the destination.
I eventually got myself together and even though I didn’t sprout self confidence overnight i learnt and still learning to live in the now, to stand my ground against fear and uncertainty and enjoy the joys that each day brings.