Life for me is the definition of shifting sands, but I guess you already knew that and so did I, or so I thought. You know, as humans we generally tend to resist change at first, it takes a lot of training and energy to be such a diverse and open minded person that your first reaction towards any change is to embrace it. I am not that person yet.
So as you would imagine, I encounter a significant amount of headaches and heartaches while navigating through this thing called life.
I try to ignore it most of the time as most people do life events which they have no control over, but today I was unpleasantly reminded of the unpredictability of the events of life.
At the beginning of the year whilst making my plans and setting my goals the (significantly)life changing and probably most anticipated event was supposed to happen in September. It was the pivot, it was supposed to be the point where I spread my wings and take flight. It really was all that to me.
Well as it turns out, said event won’t be taking place this September anymore and there are no words to describe my heartbreak and disappointment right now.
As a matter of fact, I strongly believe that I am still processing in it my mind.. I have not fully assimilated the news and what it entails, that has to be it. Why else am I this calm?
So I’m here feeling hopeless but trying not to let it engulf me,because I still believe a broken mind is better than a hopeless one. And I’m thinking to myself why would God and the universe allow me to make all those plans only to have everything fall at my feet in tiny broken pieces? I know for a fact that he doesn’t stand to gain from seeing me heartbroken and losing hope in the supposed bright future I have. So what is this about?
Maybe a lesson??
Whenever something seemingly inexplicable happens to me I always try to find the lesson in it. I believe everything can be explained, maybe not initially, but there is an explanation for everything if you can’t explain it, look for the lesson.
The lesson here I suppose is the need to amend my rigid ways, accept fluidity and understand that my sight and my visions are too little to see the big picture most of the time. It is obviously easier said than done but I will atleast try.
And so now, in the spirit of making lemonades out of life’s sour lemons I attempt to pick the shattered pieces of my mind/goals/dreams off the floor, repivot myself and give it another shot.
***This post was originally written in the first quarter of 2016